Sunday, January 15, 2012

2 weeks out

I am doing better than I thought I'd be. I have more moments of 'this is better for me' or "I can't wait to do this" than 'OMG life is over'.  Its just more like life as I used to know it is over.  The little things that bother me.  The lack of texts, not feeling I have anyone to speak to about big things, etc.

For instance he left just now to watch football with his brother and SIL up at a bar/restaurant that we'd go to all the time. Granted the food and service suck lately there but it just blows that he doesn't want to do that with me anymore. oh well.

Living in the same house has been ok. I know I'll regress some when I get my own place but I have courage and strength and know I'll be fine in the long run.  I just have to stop thinking worse case scenario and be more positive. I am often positive in my life to others, I just need to point the positivity to me for a while. Right?

Sunday, January 8, 2012

One step forward, two steps back

I was doing ok. But yesterday was rough. I had an good evening with 7 of my close girlfriends. I got a pedi/mani and eyebrows done. Then we went out for dinner/drinks. No one let me pay for anything.  It makes me a sad happy that I have such great friends. I love them all for supporting me and letting me know all I am feeling is normal.

Today I finally talked to my dad. Surprisingly talking about things makes me feel better. So I may seek out some therapy. I'll look into that this week.

Some days I can be in the same room with him and some days not so much. Today is an ok day. I started making some playlists and bought some music from itunes. I am making a few lists a sad emo list, I fuck it all list, a happy song list and sad shitty songs.

One day at a time right?

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Fake it till you make it?

Is that the saying?

I just transferred the temporary plate off my car and put the new one on. I took a Life Is Good tag frame and placed it over it. Yeah I don't feel that shit right now but see title of blog post.

I've decided to stay in my home (as it is my home too) until the house stuff is settled. This will be hard because today is one of those days where I want to yell and scream and punch stuff. But I have a level(ish) head and I know if I punch stuff I will either be hurt or have to fix a hole in something. And at this point, it isn't worth it.

So you may ask yourself why the fuck are you staying there? Well I have choices to go to friends places to crash. But think of it this way - if I travel 3 days a week, I want to feel I am at a place that is my own when I get home.  I do not want to feel like a guest in a home.  I know that might not make sense to all and maybe it's not the best choice for me right now but I am new at this stuff.

I was walking the dog this morning, which I MADE myself do because I just wanted to stay in bed. I thought it would help but I just got sad.

I don't want to talk to him today and I will do my best to not.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year - New Goals. Right?!

Ok I admit I sucked at my blog last year. Too many things going on with my life. I never did the half mary - mainly due to injuries. Running seems to really fluck up my foot/ankle. I will try again soon - but I am not promising anything. Maybe a 5k.

Many changes abound in 2012. Two days ago -my boyfriend and I of 13 years broke up. This is the guy I moved down south with 12 years ago with, the guy I own a house and big lab with. (yeah I know not proper grammar but I. Don't. Care. Today.)

I am a strong person. Yeah I've been a weepy hot mess the last few days but overall I am strong. I can and will get through this. There are FAR worse things in life right?  I am totally not looking forward to apartment shopping or moving. But we'll share custody of the puppers and I know I'll come out ok. Heck maybe even stronger in the long run right?

So my first goal(s) of the year is to be positive.  No one likes Debbie Downer. There are other great things I have - I have a job I like, I have wonderful friends as they have been both in person and virtually supporting me over the last few days. I think I've cried more reading the kind words from caring friends.

So I'll keep this blog. I'll be positive, I'll try new things. I'll try to be here more as well.  I'll leave with this, I dont take too much into horoscopes and I know nothing about retrograde and shit - but this 2012 overview for me kind of was close to home.  Here's to a better 2012.

Year 2012 Overview

This year is all about non-stop action for you, Virgo. With Mars spending the entire first half of 2012 in your sign, you may start to wonder if there will be any break in sight before 2013. The first quarter of the year will be under Mars's retrograde influence, a transit that could push you into a semi-neurotic workaholic mode. Be sure to give yourself plenty of physical outlets in order to channel all that excess Mars energy. When Mars turns direct in Virgo in May, you'll possess tremendous energy to make amazing things happen!

With Neptune moving back into your partnership sector in February, you'll settle for nothing less than your true soul mate; either that or you'll feel blissfully wedded to your spiritual nature ... or perhaps a little of both! In any case, this is the time of your life to realize how important it is to satisfy the longings of your soul. You've compromised, settled and rationalized trying to make the wrong relationship right for long enough. Now you're willing to wait for the real thing.

You'll be thrilled to know that Saturn, after putting the brakes on your spending over the last few years, is finally about to take leave of your financial sector. Any financial challenges you've had to endure since 2009 should come to an end this October. A change of residence or alterations to your current abode are possibilities under the next wave of eclipse patterns. June's full Moon lunar eclipse in your domestic sector is the beginning of many profound changes to affect both home and career prospects between late 2012 and early 2013. And then, the new Moon solar eclipse in November in your communication sector could bring new potential for learning, speaking, writing or travel opportunities